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11 July 2013

No Fap? More Like No Fucking Way.

It's no secret that I've long espoused the myriad benefits of jerking off as a method for unchaining your inner beast so you can go out and dominate heavy things in particular and life in general.  Perhaps that's due to the fact that I'm trying to justify my formative years, much of which were spent like a juvenile spider monkey, abusing myself like I was a one man bdsm show and my cock was my gimp.  Perhaps, however, it's because I know what I'm fucking talking about, and given the fact that I've actually done my research, it's highly likely that both reasons are equally valid.  To clarify a bit more, however, my interest in the promotion of masturbation as a useful endocrinological activity stems in large part from the fact that I learned, at a rather heavy cost, exactly what the abstention from masturbation accomplishes, and it likely does not take much inductive reasoning to come to the conclusion that it worked out about as well for me as Aaron Hernandez's imitation of Harvey Keitel in Pulp Fiction worked for him.

Apparently, Aaron Hernandez didn't care that he didn't see the sign about who he could store in his house, either.

One summer in college I somehow found myself in a conversation with a geriatric at my gym who still boasted veins on his biceps that rivaled my own, currently.  At the time I was still in heavy pursuit of what my friends and I had dubbed "the Arnold veins", and so I naturally assumed any man with the requisite muscularity and leanness to boast them under skin ensconced in liver spots likely knew what the fuck he was talking about.  As such, when he told me that his strength and virility came from abstention from both sex and masturbation, as spilling his seed was a waste of his vitality, I soaked the information up like a Bounty paper towel and resolved to quit cold turkey.  This was not easy- I've masturbated two or more times a day since I was in second grade, and falling asleep without jerking off was then and is now about as likely as Verne Troyer successfully dunking on a basketball hoop without the use of a jetpack.  Nevertheless, I gave it hell, and for about a year I jerked off to completion somewhere between twice and four times a month.  Proud of my "self control", I waited patiently for Brodin to bless me with the gains for which I prayed nightly.  They did not arrive, but what did was a horrifying case of erectile dysfunction when I attempted to have sex that was as breathtaking as it was infuriating.  It wasn't that I couldn't get it up- my erections became penile strobe lights, flashing on and off without rhyme or reason and not allowing either party to cum.  In a panic, I scheduled a doctor's appointment with a urologist, who proceeded to laugh out loud when I explained what I'd done (or not done, as the case may be) for the last year.  That's right- a panicky 23 year old was nearly laughed out of a medical doctor's office, so stupid was his mindset over the last year.  After assuring me my dick would stop randomly playing dead during sex if I followed his advice, he sent me on my way with "Buy some Penthouses (not Playboys) and masturbate as often as possible, and no fewer than three times a day" scribbled in chicken scratch on a prescription sheet.


You can see, then, why I wish to expose the people who would have you believe that abstention from masturbation and frequent sex as the lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-assed, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sacks of monkey shit that they are.  Not only is their reasoning flawed- they misunderstand science worse than Young Earthers, lack competitive spirit, and are (to borrow a phrase I generally find ridiculous but is perfect for this) beta as fuck.


It should come as no surprise to you that the progenitor of the anti-masturbation/No Fap movement on Reddit is a closeted Christian homosexual who stopped jacking it so Jesus wouldn't toss his ass into the universe's largest barbecue.  That falls right in line with the historical anti-masturbation movements, all of which were motivated by Christians who were terrified that their terrible Jewish overlord in the sky would suddenly decide one of the half-million contradicting minor rules and forgettable platitudes he bleated over the last two thousand years would suddenly be the most important of them all.  Nevermind the Ten Commandments, these assholes were scouring every inch of their holy book of Hebrew fables to vilify every fucking activity they possibly could.  As such, masturbators in New Haven, Connecticut were eligible for the death penalty if caught, and masturbation was thought to lead to illness and death in puritanical circles for a couple of hundred years.  Like the anti-masturbatory psychotics of the modern era, those of bygone days had all sorts of beliefs about the evils of masturbation with no relation to reality whatsoever.  For instance, they though masturbation caused:
  • vomiting
  • nausea
  • weakening of the organs of breathing
  • coughing
  • hoarseness
  • paralysis
  • weakening of the organ of generation to the point of impotence
  • lack of libido
  • back pain
  • disorders of the eye and ear
  • total diminution of bodily powers
  • paleness
  • thinness
  • pimples on the face
  • decline of intellectual powers
  • loss of memory
  • attacks of rage
  • madness
  • idiocy
  • epilepsy
  • fever
  • suicide
  • disturbances of the stomach and digestion
  • loss of appetite or ravenous hunger [ed- this is one of my personal faves, as it pretty much covers the whole range of appetites]
  • a perceptible reduction of strength, of memory and even of reason
  • blurred vision
  • all the nervous disorders
  • all types of gout and rheumatism
  • weakening of the organs of generation
  • blood in the urine
  • disturbance of the appetite
  • headaches
  • such as affection of the liver and lungs
  • neuralgia
  • rheumatism
  • affection of the spine
  • diseased kidneys
  • cancerous tumors
Hilarious!

The meta-psychotic inventor of Corn Flakes, John Harvey Kellogg, routinely burned off broads' clitorises and sewed guys' foreskins shut to prevent masturbation, which is an insight into exactly how wrong-headed and psychotic anti-masturbation campaigners are.  You might also find it interesting that no two anti-masturbation campaigners identified the same deleterious effects from masturbation.  This is, of course, because like the modern proponents of masturbation abstention, their reasoning is basically a giant bowl of lies drowned in pants-shitting insanity gravy and topped with little sprinkles of misplaced religious zealotry.  There are likely castratos with more fact-based opinions on masturbatory health effects than these idiots, and the Voynich Manuscript provides a far better example of well-reasoned argumentation despite the fact it's written in a gibberish language.  I would sooner entrust Edward Scissorhands with the care of an infant than I would a no-fap psychotic with computer access.  In short, taking the words of a no-fapper as truth is tantamount to hanging on every word of a lecture on feminism delivered by a Muslim man who punctuates the end of every sentence by punching a pregnant infidel in the stomach and beats his wife every ten minutes to improve the circulation in his hands.

What?  His hands were cold.

In the past, I've stated strongly that test levels are raised when one ejaculates frequently.  As there are studies that back this and others that refute it, I've found myself defending myself against eunuchs who are barely literate enough to frame their rebuttals in human English.  Hopefully, however, I've found the Fat Man to their Nagasaki- at no point in any of the studies testing testosterone levels in relation to orgasm do the scientists involved take note of free testosterone or sex hormone binding globulin (SHBG).  The contentions of the no-fappers are that refraining from masturbation will raise your total testosterone levels to unprecedented levels and thereby result in extreme hypertrophy and Ron Jeremy-like sexual prowess.  Though a quick glance at the profile of any poster in a no fap forum will immediately disabuse you of the veracity of their claims, science comes to the rescue to encourage everyone to grab their cocks and jerk like they're trying to rip-start a particularly recalcitrant lawnmower.   The No Fap movement is entirely based (at least scientifically based) on a Chinese study that showed a 46% one-day increase in total testosterone after seven days of abstention.

Nope, baby- we've gotta wait another six days before we bang, because I don't understand basic endocrinology and Jesus and stuff.

The problem here, is that it's free testosterone, not total testosterone, that is the hormone that really matters.  Additionally, total testosterone has been shown not to be a reliable indicator for free testosterone in most men (Anawalt).  For those of you who are as unaware of the importance of free testosterone and SHGB in your bodies, bear this in mind- only about 2% of your total testosterone is free testosterone. That means that only 2% of the testosterone in your body is biologically active, and only 2% of your body's testosterone is available to help in the muscle-building process.  Additionally, it's free testosterone and SHBG levels that are significantly correlated with orgasmic function and/or erectile function (Ahn).  High levels of free test correlate with positive erectile function, whereas high levels of SHBG correlate strongly with erectile dysfunction- total testosterone doesn't factor into the equation.  Thus, if you have higher total levels of testosterone but increased SHGB, you should theoretically have the sexual function and hypertrophy results of... any poster on a no fap forum, which is to say, none of either.  Science again has my back here, as a study of epileptics placed on anti-convulsant medication found that although total testosterone and luteinizing hormone were increased, the concurrent rise in SHGB and fall of free test led to diminished sex drive and erectile dysfunction (Toone).

Ex-fucking-actly.

I am, of course, simply speculating on the free testosterone/total testosterone/SHGB idea, but I wanted to point out that studies showing increased total testosterone are completely useless for showing the efficacy of infrequent masturbation.  What is plainly evident to scientists, however, is that a lack of intercourse makes your dick throw in the towel like it was a fat white tomato can in the ring with Mike Tyson fresh out of prison.  In other words, "the risk of erectile dysfunction was inversely related to the frequency of intercourse" (Koskimäki).  Another study showed that masturbation was an excellent method for resolving erectile dysfunction (Sue).  As erectile dysfuntion is inversely correlated with free testosterone levels, it stands to reason that frequent sexual activity may well raise free testosterone levels.   Even if the eunuchs are correct, however, and they do enjoy a one day spike in their free testosterone after seven days of abstinence, they're potentially sacrificing a day of increased hypertrophy a week for a lifetime of broke-dick cuckolding at the hands of a woman who happens to like guys with working dicks (that would be about 93% of them, i.e. all non-lesbians).  If that's your thing, fine- strap on a chastity belt and rock out with your cock locked- I will caution you, however, that neither anecdotal nor scientific evidence supports the idea that cuckolds are jacked.

I might be killing my gym gains, according to no-fappers, but I'm improving my gentleman sausage gains considerably.

The very fact that I felt it necessary to spend time researching this topic turns my stomach- the no fap premise is so counter-intuitive and asinine that its existence defies logical explanation.  The fact that they feel comfortable discussing their newfound sexual prowess after a period of abstention is even more ridiculous- it's like that obnoxious fat bitch at the gym who feels confident giving advice about dieting to everyone around her because she was allegedly able to see her abs once.  While dating a person of whom no one had ever heard, who lived out of state.  And another dimension.  You know- that dimension in which people with 30% body fat can see their abs and idiots who fuck once fortnightly break off nuts like porn stars and make chicks cum so hard it looks like they've got Parkinsons, Bell's Palsy, and epilepsy.  In summary, proponents of the no fap movement are lying sacks of weak sauce, scrawny, socially retarded, Christian fundamentalist dogshit with no understanding of science and even less understanding of human sexuality.
As Genghis Khan said "he who nuts the most and has the biggest pile of enemy skulls wins."

Sources:
Ahn HS, Park CM, Lee SW.  The clinical relevance of sex hormone levels and sexual activity in the ageing male.  BJU Int. 2002 Apr;89(6):526-30.

Anawalt BD, Hotaling JM, Walsh TJ, Matsumoto AM.  Performance of total testosterone measurement to predict free testosterone for the biochemical evaluation of male hypogonadism.  J Urol. 2012 Apr;187(4):1369-73.

John Harvey Kellogg.  Wikipedia.  Web.  11 Jul 2013.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Harvey_Kellogg#Drastic_measures

Koskimäki J, Shiri R, Tammela T, Häkkinen J, Hakama M, Auvinen A.  Regular intercourse protects against erectile dysfunction: Tampere Aging Male Urologic Study.  Am J Med. 2008 Jul;121(7):592-6.

Sue D.  Masturbation in the in vivo treatment of impotence.  J Behav Ther Exp Psychrot.  1978 Mar;9(1):15-16.

Toone BK, Wheeler M, Nanjee M, Fenwick P, Grant R.  Sex hormones, sexual activity and plasma anticonvulsant levels in male epileptics.  J Neurol Neurosurg Psychiatry 1983;46:824-826

42 comments :

  1. So are you saying sex drive is increased the more you masturbate?

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  2. So you are saying that I should consume my own jizz?

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  3. I think you're a little off-base on this one.
    First,
    I don't really care about the effects of jacking off or not on muscle. I figure my weight lifting will take care of that.
    I have no science or speculation thereon to back up my position.
    I don't want to affiliate myself with anyone on Reddit. They pretty much all suck. I'm not religious, and I have no moral values to speak of.

    I don't fap regularly for one reason, and that is all I really care about: Not fapping regularly motivates me to be a risk-taking fun-having sexual deviant. I'm way more willing to ignore consequences, and just do fun stuff, be that chicks that are obviously insane, public indecency, gang-banging bored housewives, etc. I'm pretty sure that's not what John Kellogg was trying to encourage with his anti-masturbation campaign, but it works for me. And it probably works for a lot of other guys like me as well.

    I think this is why it didn't work for you but does for me: I don't just not fap forever. If I haven't busted a nut in a week I do jack off. I've noticed that if I go long enough, my body gets used to not getting off, and my sex drive goes down. But if I don't go too long my sex drive keeps climbing to ever more irresponsible levels. The day after I've gotten off, I'm back to my old lazy risk averse self. But by day 5 or 6, my internal monologue starts to sound like the guy from the Unforgivable videos and I'm going to get some ass or die in the attempt.

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    1. I'd posit you have dopamine hypofunction, and that given your hypofunction , more would be better in terms of masturbation. Were you to train yourself to require three nuts broken a day, your rick taking cycle would likely be drastically reduced. Thus, if you wanted to get up the necessary dopaminergic withdrawal to rob a bank or somesuch, you'd simply need to refrain for 12 hours.

      In re your sexual deviancy comment, I can attest to the fact that my sexual deviancy, which is already excessive, is off the charts about 16 hours into not having broken off a nut, and that all you need to do is increase it is ramp up your sexual stimuli and refrain from cumming until you've engaged in whatever horrible deep-genital piercing session or whatever it is you were hoping for. There's no need to wait a week- it's not like you're trying to buy a fucking pistol or something. Leave the week long waits to the people cowering under the skirts of their "benevolent" government and carpe your fucking diem already.

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    2. As I understand it, the medical establishment endorses jacking off, which in my mind is akin to the government. I'm not sure why not fapping is linked to the establishment.

      I'm sure that were I to go to a psychiatrist, I'd be diagnosed with ADHD, so your dopamine hypofunction hypothesis is not unlikely. I've learned to manage my tragic condition *sniff* fairly well though, so I think I'll keep doing what I'm doing. I've tried your three times a day recommendation, and it just made me complacent. Different strokes for different folks.

      Are you planning on blogging about some of the challenges you've gotten up to on your Empedoclean days any time soon?

      Delete
  4. Yea, the psychological aspects didn't really get addressed. You probably seen this video but incase, you haven't it goes into the mental aspect of it.

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  5. fuck forgot to post haha http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSF82AwSDiU

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  6. I have a feeling this post will bring out all the teenage bad asses, if they can find time between all the gang banging of bored housewives. Rant's gonna have a field day!

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  7. So "If you don't use it, you lose it" is indeed true.

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  8. I don't give a fuck if it's good for my Free-T or not.

    I'm jerking off. End of story.

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  9. SHBG is inversely proportional to protein intake: http://jcem.endojournals.org/content/85/1/293.full

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    1. Cool study. More evidence that my advice rules.

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  10. did you quote Clark W. Griswold?

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  11. Well, there you go. This place is just full of wankers.

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  12. I guess the people emailing you about "killing your gains" have not seen your world record squat...

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  13. Unrelated to this, but got to thank you for your book suggestions. Just finisehed Manthropology (was awesome) and just started The Super-Athletes (got one with his signature in it!), seems fucking awesome.

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    1. If you want your bookshelf to look really cool you're going to need 'The Way To Live' by George Hackenschmidt, 'Goerner The Mighty' by Edgar Mueller and ALL of Jamie's favorite authors books (Stuart McRobert). Jamie will tell you he credits most of his gains from Stuart McRoberts books. Buy them all.

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  14. What do you think of the idea of getting to the limit, but not actually ejaculating? I know it's horribly masochistic and could drive a man insane, but would it maximize both total test and free test? It is surely good for discipline.

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    1. That is precisely what I did to give my dick schizophrenia. The occasional BDSM inspired ruined orgasm's no issue, but training yourself to do that will lead to ruin, in my experience.

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    2. There used to be a forum of guys that get of spurting on to unsuspecting women in public. Of course a lot of posts are probably made up, but a relatively common idea was to stay up all night never quite finishing to make for a bigger load the next day. I'm not sure how many squat world record holders posted there.

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  15. Beautiful work.

    There is no amount of beating off that will make you not nut too fast into a hot teenager. Your balls, even into old age, are an ocean.

    Go ahead and beat the meat. The fact that you can is God's way of apologizing for the pain of everyday life.

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  16. I think the real issue isn't fapping so much as the use of internet porn when fapping. The "great porn experiment" on youtube talks about this.

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    1. It's my contention that the anti-porn movement is a Christian ply to paint porn use as deleterious ton one's health in order to get it partially or fully banned.

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  17. Would abstaining from masturbation have similar/any effects for females?

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    1. PHHHWORRR!!!!! FEMALES MASTURBATING, FUCKING HELL I'M GETTING MY COCK OUT NOW, GRRRR, GRRRRR, FAP, FAP, FAP, FAP, FAP, FAP, FAP, FAP, FAP......FUCKING WRITE SOMETHING ELSE BITCH, I'M STARTING TO LOSE IT!!! Oh wait, just saw your picture, it's gone :-(

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    2. Females, more so than males, have to keep their sexual pump primed. Most of the chicks I know who've gone into sexual hibernation don't ever get all the way back out of it.

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  18. I tried holding it in for a couple weeks once, I felt that I was becoming much more aggressive and hitting much harder. I felt that if I couldn't have sex then the closest thing would be violence. But then, my endocrinologist guesses I'll have a heart attack in less than a year.

    Fun story, historically the church turned a blind eye to prostitution because they thought it would stop people wanking.

    BTW that muslim porn is HOT.

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  19. I dont know. I have a friend that claims exactly the same as you- fap as much as you can, and in one week youre killing machine, or more like cum machine(?). When do you think is the breaking point from bad mood and lethargy to transforming into active and aggresive human if I keep doing it? Cause I did it last two couple of days and I just feel worse and worse (no inner push to talk to girls and fuck them) so I quit yesterday and start feeling better again. Its so terrible that I have to know when is the breaking point so I can survive this miserable phase.

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    1. Whereas when I did my no porn experiment last year I was horny nonstop and fapped only couple of times a week. I definitely no porn is a good thing, but I am not sure wheres the borderline to fapping.

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    2. Like anything else, you're going to have a period of adjustment. This isn't brain surgery. Gotta walk before you run, fucker.

      Delete
  20. I am 75 and have jerked off all my life. Nowadays, with Internet porn (one of the world's great inventions) I'm having the best sex of my life. Why anyone in his right mind would not want to do this is beyond me! From the age of five I was fed all the lies about masturbation by my mother--it took years of psychotherapy to get over it. I am astounded that in this day and age there are people who are going out of their way to find reasons not to jerk off.

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  21. The blog doesn't take into consideration the fact that we all are different and have different realities. It seems as if the reality of the author has to be the same for everybody else. While I respect that point of view, I believe that everyone has a different reality and different things work for each individual.

    In addition, the blog doesn't consider the way that one masturbates: Biochemically, a five minute masturbation has very different effects then a two hour or three hour long masturbation. Also a porn masturbation has different effects than a porn free masturbation. Does the author really Support also 3 2 hour-long masturbations every day?

    The blog doesn't take into consideration the different reasons someone might have to quit masturbation. There are people who actually want to reduce their sex drive, there are people who actually would prefer not having sex anymore. I understand this might sound new to the reader, but there are such people out there.

    Because the blog has ignored these perspectives, and has used a harsh vocabulary against others perspectives, I disagree with this blog post written as it is. While at the same time I respect it. In my reality, It's the authors opinion and it doesn't apply to everybody else, even though it is written as if it does.

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    1. I'm unaware of a person who has the time or the inclination to spend 6 hours a day jerking off. That's a part time job. I've spent full Saturdays fucking and jacking it, but that's an exception rather than the rule. As to your point about it not applying to everyone, I could care less about the people who want to abstain from sex- they're abstaining from life, and that's their prerogative. I'd be happy to offer them suggestins as to methods for shuffling off their mortal coils so the rest of us don't have to endure their sad sack stories of crippling masturbation "addiction".

      Delete
  22. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11760788?ordinalpos=16&itool=EntrezSystem2.PEntrez.Pubmed.Pubmed_ResultsPanel.Pubmed_RVDocSum

    I don't know why you speculate on the free T vs total T stuff. You are talking out of your ass. Either substantiate your claims or forego expounding them.

    This can also be verified through personal experience. High testosterone levels are associated with aggression (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aggression#Testosterone). Try not fapping for a week until you feel like the hulk and then take an anti-androgen. You will calm down instantly. Why? Because your T levels were high, you dipshit.

    Addiction to masturbation is a real thing, especially when combined with pornography. This actually happens to people and is similar in nature to traditional drug addiction. This is the people that nofap is targeting. Not you. The idea is that they go through a period of abstinence in order to reset their reward (dopamine) pathways.

    If you're going to spread misinformation, be prepared to have your ass handed to you in a debate. Now sit down and shut up.

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    Replies
    1. Please reply to producedraw, Chaos and Pain. Interested in seeing your rebuttal, if you have one.

      Delete
  23. A good blog ..............
    Largest selection of memorials and printable funeral program templates.
    http://funeralpamphlets.com/store.php

    ReplyDelete